Announcements:

(1)

Foregiveness Workshop (October 25-26, 2008)

(2)

Individual, group and supervision tutorials in classical homeopathy designed to meet individual needs available by appointment

(3)

Fall Semester, 2008

College of Saint Elizabeth

Psy 620: The Helping Relationship

Dr. Ken Silvestri

Office Phone: 973-377-8110

ksilvestri@nac.net

www.drkennethsilvestri.com

 

Course Objectives

 

To develop an understanding and competency of communication and interviewing skills relevant to one’s sense of “self,” applicable to personal, leadership and/or counseling roles.

 

To examine personal and human services contexts with an emphasis on developing: leadership skills, mastery of interpersonal dynamics, psychological sensitivity, an understanding of being a “change agent,” and a sensitivity to culture, class, race, gender and diversity.

 

Text: Intentional interviewing and Counseling, by Allen Ivey and Mary Bradford Ivey

(assigned readings from this book will be announced)

 

Required Reading (the following three books are available at major book stores or on-line, they should be read and summarized in your summary/log and referenced as needed for your final class essay/presentation)

 

The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life, by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander, (Penquin Books, 2002)

 

Forgive For Good, A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, by Fred Luskin, (Harper, 2002)

 

When Prayers Aren’t Answered, By John Welshons, ( New World Library, 2007)

 

Hand outs and relevant articles (most will be provided on my web-site)

 

Course Design

 

Each class will be experiential with supportive lectures and discussion of key points covering the topics listed below. Class participation is essential. Each student will keep a personal Summary/Log of class discussions, exercises and assignments. An essay/statement on the application of communication and interviewing/counseling skills as it relates to a personal and/or professional context (fifteen page minimum with supportive references and application of class key points) will be due at the end of the course. A ten minute presentation/summary of the class essay by each student will be during the last two classes.

 

 

 

Evaluation/Final Grade: Final grades will be based on class participation , 20%,(each student should make a minimum of one significant statement/question per class which will be ungraded). A record of your statement/question (and date) should be listed in your ongoing Summary/Logs. Summary/Logs, 30%,kept in a separate binder (to be handed in between the 7 th and 8 th class for my review and suggestions) are to include your summary notes, key points per topic, assignments, and a record of your class participation questions which will be graded and returned at the end of the course. The final Essay/Presentation with supportive references and application of key points will count for 50%. The context of the Essay/Presentation can be a work situation, family/interpersonal relationship, or any other context where the class topics are applicable.

 

Class Topics:

 

  • Use of a Systemic Lens to see and understand wider connections

Communication and systems theory as it relates to course

Focusing on self development and family legacy

Understanding “change” and “intervention”

  • Celebration of Interpersonal Communication

Self awareness and open communication

Observation skills and open communication

Paraphrasing and clarification

Confrontation and conflict resolution

Blending and reframing

 

  • Respect of Culture, Temperament, Diversity and Collective Connections

Understanding the role of temperaments and communication style

Forgiveness for health and happiness

Integration of skills

 

 

Topic # 1 abstract/summary

 

 

Use a wide angle lens to recognize and understand the interconnections of our world

 

Using a systemic or wide angle lens means recognizing how something that seems good in one context may not be simultaneously good in a wider context. A classic example being DDT, which was originally seen as beneficial when it killed predators of certain agricultural crops, however, as we know, within a few years, DDT entered the biological food chain. Consequently many species of insects and animals either became extinct or were threatened with extinction.

 

Another example in a school setting for instance, would be to use a harsh discipline technique with an individual student that might alleviate a specific problem but would also unfortunately define the school climate affecting the wider community. When we recognize these patterns that join us and allow for an appreciation of the fundamental causes that may support or sabotage interconnected relationships, we widen our lens and allow for perspective. It is one thing to recognize this, but it is the wisdom that is attained by understanding it that creates a systemic awareness. When this occurs it helps avoid dwelling on negative aspects of life and is the basis for growth and forgiveness.

 

Refocusing on the present but narrower context will never be the same. There are many ways to widen the lens because our vantage point continuously changes; it takes creativity and active awareness of our many interconnections to benefit from this experience, once attained it is an enlightening (satori) experience.

 

Psy 620: The Helping Relationship

 

Topic (1) Use a Systemic Lens to see and understand wider connections:

 

Class #1 - communication and systems theory as it relates to this course

 

 

August 26, 2008

 

“The study of communication is like exploring those wildernes areas- an adventure in the tangled underbrush of ideas and thickets of conflicting opinions, with only a few clearly marked pathways indicating how to get from here to there. It is also exciting, pushing through exhilarating country, discovering wondrous little pockets of beauty or mystery, looking out suddenly over glorious vistas.”

 

“Communication is the process by which a system is established, maintained, and altered by means of shared signals that operate according to rules.”*

 

*from Louis Forsdale, Perspectives on Communication, (Reading, Massachusetts: Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, 1981, pages 1 and 12)

 

 

“..the process or procedures (not all of which we recognize or acknowledge) by means of which humans share their states of consciousness with each other, with the underlying recognition (in or out of thinking awareness) that at the deepest level humans are evolving toward the sharing of a single larger consciousness.” **

 

** from Paul Byers, “A Personal View of Nonverbal Communication,” in Theory Into Practice, Vol. XVI, Number 3, p. 138

 

Topic Agenda:

 

  • Centering Exercise
  • Introductions
  • Course Framework
  • Discussion (Communication, definitions and applications)

 

Assignments for next class (#2), September 9, 2008:

 

Read my article “The Joy and Wisdom of Systemic Thinking: Teaching and Understanding the Aesthetic.” This is found on my web-site under the “articles” link.

 

Read “Steps to an Ecology of Self,” pp. 67-68 on my web-site under “ articles

 

Write a short summary of the articles regarding how they relate/support or differ from the above two definitions of “Communication.”

 

 

The Helping Relationship

 

Topic (1) Focusing on self development and family legacy

 

Class#2 September 2, 2008

 

 

“Key Points” class# 1 and 2:

 

Importance on self focus (i.e support, barriers)

Centering (why, implications, mindfulness, beginners mind, contribution, possibilities etc.)

Assumptions

Aesthetic (nature, love, wisdom, context, being “human,” being “happy etc.)

Definitions of communication (qualities, systems thinking etc.)

 

 

Class Agenda:

 

Centering Exercise

Discussion/group work regarding (defining communication, systemic thinking, role of the “self”)

Family Questions and Legacy (relation to interpersonal/intrapersonal communication and the “self”)

Genograms (purpose, perspective, influences, specific information)

 

 

Assignment for Class #3, September 9, 2008

 

Read pp. 303-305 (Ivey Book)

Construct your own personal genogram (include ethnicity and relationships)

 

*the genograms will not be collected, although I will check to see that you have completed the assignment. During the class exercise, students need only share information that they feel comfortable discussing. All information will be respected by all and remain within the context of the class.

 

 

The Helping Relationship

 

Class Topic (1) continued, focusing on self development and family legacy

 

Class #3 September 9, 2008

 

 

Agenda:

 

Centering exercise

 

Genograms

 

Family Questions exercise

 

Discussion

 

 

Key Points:

 

Connections through information gathering

Widening the lens and change

Clues to functioning

Relevance to the “self” and communication

 

Assignment for Class #4 September 16, 2008

 

How do the handouts relate to “change”

Go on the internet and collect definitions and information on “change/decision making” and apply it to our class concepts of “self” and “communication.”

(the above should be prepared and available for class discussion)

The Helping Relationship

 

Class Topic (1)

 

Class #4 Understanding Change and Interventions, September 16, 2008

 

 

 

Agenda:

 

-Centering Exercise

- Discussion (the art and law of “change”)

- Definitions and applications to “self” and “communication” as it relates to our

class

 

Assignment for next class #5 ( September 23, 2008)

 

Class #5: Self awareness and open communication

 

Scan chapters 3 “Attending Behavior” and 4 “Open Communication” in the Ivey Book

 

Do exercise 1-3 under individual practice p.p. 81-82; write a short evaluation of the “keypoints” on page 80 (do you agree? Why?); review “key points” on page 113 and write a short evaluation of them as to their application (how?, why?). This should be included in your personal class logs..

 

 

The Helping Profession

 

Class Topic (2)

 

Abstract/Summary

 

Celebrate interpersonal relationships with all its possibilities

 

When we communicate there are superimposed rhythms that join humans. Participants synchronize their underlying biological rhythms. Implicit rules are part of communication, although the process is outside the speakers’ explicit awareness. Focusing on how we “tune” into rather than “doing” things to each other is the celebration of the many new possibilities for learning, empathy and forgiveness that fosters harmonious relationships. The win-win volley of this tuning has no place for win-lose interactions and conflicts. It produces a “softening” of our being for collaboration and develops a positive awareness of our good intentions.

 

Listening involves rhythm matching that is also found in body movements. Communication is, according to my late mentor and friend Paul Byers who taught at Columbia University, “the process by which any two pieces of the universe find their relationship to each other.” This brings new insights of enactments and points the way to strengths and resources that help with life’s changes and maintenance. Interpersonal rhythms lie between or across the biological and cultural realms of our species which allow clear distinctions to occur and conversations to systemically correct themselves, similar to how in the martial art Aikido “one dances in the flash and flow of win-win energy” as my sensei Greg O’Connor describes harmony in movement.

 

Flaws in this process can cause and identify pathology. Conversely, “harmony” is the sharing of this fixed biological behavior and the subjective modulated rhythms that lead to the “aesthetic” experience of this sharing, which in my mind is the largest available human context. When this is recognized, it is felt as the ideal human game, one that has the power for forgiveness and communication beyond the confines of the ego to frame and create solutions.

 

 

 

Class #5 Self Awareness and Open Communication (September 23, 2008)

 

 

Agenda:

 

-Centering Exercise

-Experiential activity “Attending Behavior and Open Communication”

-Discussion and application to “self” and “communication”

 

 

Assignment for next class #6 ( 9-30-08): Observation and Listening

Read chapters 5 and 7 in the Ivy book…choose a few selected exercises that you think best define the topics . Write a short summary of the topics for class participation and your personal class logs.

 

Class Topic (2)

Class #6 Observation and Listening (9-30-08)

 

Agenda:

 

-Centering Exercise

-Observation and Listening discussion

-Group exercise on applications to self awareness and communication

 

Assignment for Class # 7 Paraphrasing and Clarification ( October 7, 2008)

 

Read Chapter 6 in the Ivey book, do exercises 1-3 pp. 169-71, write a short summary of key points and how they relate to “self” and communication.

 

 

 

 

Class Topic (2)

Class #7 Paraphrasing (October 7, 2008)

 

 

Agenda:

 

-Centering Exercise

-discussion on key points of paraphrasing

-group exercise (group definition and experiences)

 

 

Assignment for Class # 8/9 (October, 14/21,2008); the next class (October, 14th) will be held at the Aikido Centers of New Jersey, 55 Eagle Rock Avenue, East Hanover, N.J.; for directions go to “links” above and click on to “Aikido Centers of New Jersey, then click on to “East Hanover Dojo. Please be there at 6:15 (class starts at 6:30) take your shoes off and have a seat adjacent to the mat. There is ample parking in the lot. Following class which finishes at 8:00 there will be a short discussion. Please do not hesitate to ask questions especially as they relate to our class topics and theme.

 

Scan chapter 9 in the Ivey Book and go over the key points on page 282. Also read the Terry Dobson article. Write a short summary of how aikido is an active metaphore for confrontation, conflict resolution and blending.

 

A Short Story by Terry Dobson - a master of Aikido and conflict resolution

T HE TRAIN CLANKED and rattled through the suburbs of Tokyo on a drowsy spring afternoon. Our car was comparatively empty - a few housewives with their kids in tow, some old folks going shopping. I gazed absently at the drab houses and dusty hedgerows.
At one station the doors opened, and suddenly the afternoon quiet was shattered by a man bellowing violent, incomprehensible curses. The man staggered into our car. He wore laborer’s clothing, and he was big, drunk, and dirty. Screaming, he swung at a woman holding a baby. The blow sent her spinning into the laps of an elderly couple. It was a miracle that she was unharmed.
Terrified, the couple jumped up and scrambled toward the other end of the car. The laborer aimed a kick at the retreating back of the old woman but missed as she scuttled to safety. This so enraged the drunk that he grabbed the metal pole in the center of the car and tried to wrench it out of its stanchion. I could see that on of his hands was cut and bleeding. The train lurched ahead, the passengers frozen with fear. I stood up.
I was young then, some 20 years ago, and in pretty good shape. I’d been putting in a solid eight hours of aikido training nearly every day for the past three years. I like to throw and grapple. I thought I was tough. Trouble was, my martial skill was untested in actual combat. As students of aikido, we were not allowed to fight.
"Aikido," my teacher had said again and again, "is the art of reconciliation. Whoever has the mind to fight has broken his connection with the universe. If you try to dominate people, you are already defeated. We study how to resolve conflict, not how to start it."
I listened to his words. I tried hard I even went so far as to cross the street to avoid the chimpira, the pinball punks who lounged around the train stations. My forbearance exalted me. I felt both tough and holy. In my heart, however, I wanted an absolutely legitimate opportunity whereby I might save the innocent by destroying the guilty.
This is it! I said to myself, getting to my feet. People are in danger and if I don’t do something fast, they will probably get hurt.
Seeing me stand up, the drunk recognized a chance to focus his rage. "Aha!" He roared. "A foreigner! You need a lesson in Japanese manners!"
I held on lightly to the commuter strap overhead and gave him a slow look of disgust and dismissal. I planned to take this turkey apart, but he had to make the first move. I wanted him mad, so I pursed my lips and blew him an insolent kiss.
"All right! He hollered. "You’re gonna get a lesson." He gathered himself for a rush at me.
A split second before he could move, someone shouted "Hey!" It was earsplitting. I remember the strangely joyous, lilting quality of it - as though you and a friend had been searching diligently for something, and he suddenly stumbled upon it. "Hey!"
I wheeled to my left; the drunk spun to his right. We both stared down at a little old Japanese man. He must have been well into his seventies, this tiny gentleman, sitting there immaculate in his kimono. He took no notice of me, but beamed delightedly at the laborer, as though he had a most important, most welcome secret to share.
"C’mere," the old man said in an easy vernacular, beckoning to the drunk. "C’mere and talk with me." He waved his hand lightly.
The big man followed, as if on a string. He planted his feet belligerently in front of the old gentleman, and roared above the clacking wheels, "Why the hell should I talk to you?" The drunk now had his back to me. If his elbow moved so much as a millimeter, I’d drop him in his socks.
The old man continued to beam at the laborer.
"What’cha been drinkin’?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with interest. "I been drinkin’ sake," the laborer bellowed back, "and it’s none of your business!" Flecks of spittle spattered the old man.
"Ok, that’s wonderful," the old man said, "absolutely wonderful! You see, I love sake too. Every night, me and my wife (she’s 76, you know), we warm up a little bottle of sake and take it out into the garden, and we sit on an old wooden bench. We watch the sun go down, and we look to see how our persimmon tree is doing. My great-grandfather planted that tree, and we worry about whether it will recover from those ice storms we had last winter. Our tree had done better than I expected, though especially when you consider the poor quality of the soil. It is gratifying to watch when we take our sake and go out to enjoy the evening - even when it rains!" He looked up at the laborer, eyes twinkling.
As he struggled to follow the old man’s conversation, the drunk’s face began to soften. His fists slowly unclenched. "Yeah," he said. "I love persimmons too…" His voice trailed off.
"Yes," said the old man, smiling, "and I’m sure you have a wonderful wife."
"No," replied the laborer. "My wife died." Very gently, swaying with the motion of the train, the big man began to sob. "I don’t got no wife, I don’t got no home, I don’t got no job. I am so ashamed of myself." Tears rolled down his cheeks; a spasm of despair rippled through his body.
Now it was my turn. Standing there in well-scrubbed youthful innocence, my make-this-world-safe-for-democracy righteousness, I suddenly felt dirtier than he was.
Then the train arrived at my stop. As the doors opened, I heard the old man cluck sympathetically. "My, my," he said, "that is a difficult predicament, indeed. Sit down here and tell me about it."
I turned my head for one last look. The laborer was sprawled on the seat, his head in the old man’s lap. The old man was softly stroking the filthy, matted hair.
As the train pulled away, I sat down on a bench. What I had wanted to do with muscle had been accomplished with kind words. I had just seen aikido tried in combat, and the essence of it was love. I would have to practice the art with an entirely different spirit. It would be a long time before I could speak about the resolution of conflict.